There are times when you just can't seem to control your tears, no matter how hard you try. I've wished to be like Amanda from the movie the Holiday, to not be able to shed a single tear, to have that poker face with not a single flick of emotion.
I hate showing my feelings and somehow I was born into this world with being an open book. I cannot seem to not show my emotions on my face. In my opinion it makes me vulnerable, especially when the tears can't seem to stop coming. I hate crying. I hate feeling weak. I'm such a control freak and uncontrollable tears are not something I like.
Sometimes I'll watch a movie, read a book, look at a picture and feel nothing, when other times I'll just burst into tears. Missing someone is the hardest thing and it seems like that's something I can't get rid of. There's always people that can't be in my life every day and sometimes that feeling overpowers me and I just cry.
What I need to realize is that tears aren't always a sign of weakness. They're a sign of me caring, of me showing emotions of love and affection. A few tears every now and then don't hurt me, and I shouldn't try to push them away, because pushing them away would only mean that those feelings would build up inside of me and that's not the right thing to do either. About the missing someone part, some days are easy, some days are hard, but if you wouldn't miss them, you wouldn't really care.
Things have a way of working out. Sometimes you just need to go with the flow and not worry about things, not over think about things and just let it be.
Today was one of those days... I don't usually talk about private things, I have a tendency to shut down, but I decided to be honest and tell y'all how I feel. The tears came and they left, and now I feel happy. Like I'm ready to have a blasty blast (like my friend Hillary says) with all of my friends, on my favorite summer festival and just enjoy the short summer we do get here in Finland.