There's been a lot of talk about body images and how you want to look, how you're supposed to look and whether or not to do something about the way you look. I feel like that's everything anyone ever talks about, me included.
For me my weight has always been an issue. It doesn't really matter what I do because I still feel like I'm not where I want to be. It's like a never ending fight against my genes, that unfortunately aren't making this progress easy. I have a big butt and I've learned to accept the fact that I'll never get those skinny, supermodel legs. I am however determined to get those muscular thighs and butt, that all the fitness girls have. I don't care what anybody thinks, girls with muscles are beautiful.
Anyways. I was in really good shape last spring/summer when I was training for the half-marathon. After that I was emotionally so drained after all the working out, that I sorta stopped. I worked from 11AM-7PM, from Monday to Friday, without even ONE day off. That made working out hard, because I hated waking up, knowing that I'd had to work out before work, and I was too tired after work to do anything. This, and the fact that I never had time to eat properly, wasn't a good combination to uphold my physics. Fall came and school started. I wanted to try something extreme, so I did the fit farm 6 week program. The diet was good, but the workouts sucked. I like efficient weight lifting workouts, where you have 8-10 reps with big weights. In their program I had to do 20reps of the same, and I hate that. I can't put enough weights because I won't be able to do all 20reps and it gets boring. So the last few weeks pretty much went downhill. I also stopped taking my birth control because I was eating YAZ, which is supposed to be dangerous for you, and I still haven't had the time to get a new prescription. This made me gain a few pounds and made my skin really bad. It still is, so I just told my mom yesterday that I need to get back on the pill when I get home.
Then came the time when I had to go to surgery and I think this was the part that messed up everything. I spent two and half weeks without doing anything, and I had bad cravings. So that's where my body went back to the one, I had worked so hard on to be slimmer. Right now, I'm not fat, but I'm not skinny, I'm just not what I personally want to be. And I know you should be happy with who you are, but I'm not doing this to please others, I'm not doing this tho change who I am because this isn't me. I love working out, I actually do!! And I want to look the part too. I don't want to be happy with this body, because I know that I can do better. I am however taking a break from all the stressing during this holiday. I'm going to eat what I want, workout when I feel like it and just not stress. It's easier said then done, but I'll try to do it. Oh, and when I say "eat what I want", it doesn't mean that I'm going overboard, eating Mickey D's every day and cheesecake.
About 3 weeks and then it is on! (it gets easier, knowing that I'll be able to do some, minor weight lifting too)
Inner Strength
I don't sweat for pounds or inches, or dress size.
I sweat to make my outside
match my inside.
- Amber Dawn Hunter
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