Tuesday, May 20, 2014


"In order to love others, you have to learn how to love yourself first"

Sometimes I think that quote makes the perfect sense, and then sometimes, like today, I think it's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. 
So what this quote is stating is that you can't find love until you love yourself? What if you have a hard time loving everything about yourself? What if you never do? Are you then supposed to live the rest of your life alone, even though you're perfectly capable of loving others, even though you might have a hard time loving yourself? What if you actually need the other person, in order to learn how to love yourself? What if that other person is the one that will show you that there is indeed something in you worth loving? 
I'm definitely my own worst enemy. I'm hardly ever proud of myself and I drive myself crazy obsessing over every little detail. I strive for perfection in myself and nothing less will suffice. I even used to demand it for others, even though I was and still am far from perfect. Today, I can gladly state that I sometimes act like a spoiled brat and think that I'm better than everyone else, which I'm not. Today I think imperfection is what makes a person beautiful, I just have a hard time accepting that it's okay for me to be imperfect too. 
We received our final results last week, and I did great, according to others. According to me I was a failure. I didn't get the highest grade, which was the only thing I was really striving for. I didn't care about the fact that some of my grades were higher than I had expected. To top it all off one of my grades came as one lower, and that devastated me. (When it comes to being a failure at being perfect I tend to be a bit overdramatic) It pretty much took all my willpower not to start balling my eyes out. Thank goodness for getting the best chocolate cupcake that was brought to me by a friend. That honestly probably saved my day, as did the angry workout I had. 
Still, I felt like I was the dumbest kid on earth (still do, a little bit), even though my grades were better than what a lot of the other kid's in my grade got. I'm still a little bit disappointed in myself, but I'm slowly starting to admit that I did okay. 
Loving yourself is the hardest thing to do. You're constantly worried about being smart enough, good enough, pretty enough…. It's the dumbest thing you can do to yourself, but also the easiest. I'm taking baby steps towards that amazing self-esteem and confidence that I lack from time to time. And in all honestly I might go a bit overboard with all the "tough love" my friends receive from time to time, but I only mean well, and I'm 10 0000 times worse on myself. 

So here's to all those who feel like this from time to time. If life kicks you in the head… first of all it might not, you're just being dramatic, second of all kick life back harder, and for the third, who cares about life anyways. Haha! 

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